CandleLight Fantasia

Just one more night

One more score

Another question in my mind,

can't take no more

Kissing the tears form my face asthey fall

To the ground in silencein twilight and faded timeSpirits cold,

with no love

Bells ring a lonely chime

Candle firesThese lit dreams can't burn alone

Winds of change bring songsupon my memory

An empty heart and soulintoxicates me

This darkened page orchestratesmy final destiny

Not knowing what,what tomorrow will bring

From within the mirrors eyes

I'm forced to run away and hide

I feel those mystic eyes subside

And leave my blind

Through passages in time

A prisoner locked behind the door

Lonely roses slowly wither and die

I can't escape this captive misery

Heart stone cold,

under supremacy

Thrown into a raging sea of tyranny

Life's vile walls have tangled me in threads

Eternally caught in my futures threads

Play the violent strings of my symphony

Transcend the absence of this fantasy

Just another vision

Washed away with the tide

No place for forgotten ones

I cannot deny

What lies beyond, beyond this fantasy

From within the mirrors eyes

I'm forced to run away and hide

I feel those mystic eyes subside

And leave my blind

Through passages in time

A prisoner locked behind the door

Lonely roses slowly wither and die

Hidup hidup

pelepasan perasaan yg tak dapat nak diungkapkan,
engkau takkan tahu bagaimana hati dan perasaan nih di simpan..
lama kelamaan..ia akan menjadi dendam...
sekarang mungkin kamu tidak dapat melihat nyer...
tapi satu hari nanti kamu pasti akan merasa...
perbuatan mu yg ku sangkakan slama betul rupa nya dusta semata2,
memang ko pandai bermain kata...sampai kita lelaki lupa dan menjadi alpa,

Tapi engkau perempuan jangan ingat kami lelaki ini bodoh selamanya
kita laki juga punya akal dan fikiran...
skali terkena, kamu ingat kami akan berdiam diri sahaja
kamu tak pernah berfikir apa yg kami fikirkan,
kamu tak pernah menghargai aper yg kami telah lakukan
aper yg engkau pikir kan hanya lah diri engkau sahaja..
lelaki yg bergelar Suami, Tunang atau pon Boyfren.
Apabila perkataan itu di sebut, kami menjadi lemah,
dan pada masa itu juga kepercayaan kami telah diberi kan pada dirimu
kami sanggup mati karana kamu perempuan yg kami laki sayang.
tapi aper yg telah engkau lakukan biler diberikan kepercayaan dan kebebasan
engkau senang2 menghancurkan nya
dan kamu thu aper sebab nya:
Kerna engkau hanya memikirkan diri engkau sahaja


P/s: kepada kawan ku saudara EHEM2(nama dirahsiakan)..aku bersimpati terhadap engkau dan tunang ko...tunang ko memang pompuan yg bodoh, tak tahu malu, tak sedar diri, bangsat, cilaka.pelacur, perempuan murahan...jangan nak salahkan orang lain cakap begitu kat ko...ko sendiri yg menjatuhkan martbat ko sebagai perempuan yg mulia kepada perempaun yg lagi hina dari anjing di tepi longkang...ko ibarat najis. bagi diri ku pertunangan itu satu langkah seblum pasangan itu mendirikan umah tangga...berusaha utk mencapai nya..nih tak...belum kawin dah main kayu 3...backup org ketiga itu....saper org ketiga tu...ko lebih sayang org ketiga tuh dari tunang engkau sendri...pikir laa..otak ader..saudara...engkau bagi ku memang telah mengambil satu keputusan yg bijak...perempuan sebegitu rupa memang tak ley diharap...aku cuma dapat mendoakan ko dapat berjumpa perempuan yg lebih baik dari pelacur tuh(tunang ko)

Tragedi Bulan December

kehilangan sesuatu itu mungkin amat memedihkan,
tapi aku tetap steady, sbb aku tau.
mungkin benda ini akan terjadi juga.
selagi 1 masalah itu tak selasai sampai biler2 pon ianya takkan selesai

aku bahagia berada disampingmu,
disisimu aku seperti menjadi seseorg yg baru.
tak pernah aku memikir satu masalah pon
kalu ader masalah pon, aku takkan bercerita dengan dirimu
aku tak mahu bersusah hati kerna aku. aku hanya mahu engkau bahagia
walaupon aku tau diriku ini akan sakit

tapi sayang skali, hubungan kiter tidak berkekalan,
aku tak marah pon, aku hanya menharap kiter still lagi bole menjadi kawan
itu pon terpulang pada diri kamu, aku tak boleh menghalang keputusan kamu
aku pon bukan nyer malaikat atau dewa..
aku nih manusia yg punya batas terhadap semua tindakan yg dilakukan
aku cuma merasakan apa yg aku lakukan ini, adalah yg terbaik utk diriku,

Apa yg ku pinta bukan nya banyak,
semua yg aku pinta itu adalah utk memastikan dirimu itu menjadi milik ku,
tanpa sebarang gangguan, tanpa ada sebarang halangan,
bersama mengecapi bahagia didunia sendiri.
akan tetapi keegoan diri seseorang itu melepasi batasan akal pemikiran seseorang itu.
aku terpaksa redha saja dengan apa sahaja yg kamu pinta, walaupon kamu tahu aku tidak suka,

kata2 mu yg terakhir yg mengata diriku ini bosan,
memang..aku memang bosan..kamu tak suka melihat kami bergaduh,
tapi aper yg kamu buat, utk mengelakkan dari sumua ini terjadi???

kater2 mu semalam membuat kan aku berfikir kembali:

Mengapa ini terjadi?
Apa yg dirinya risaukan??
adakah diri org ketiga itu lebih penting dari diriku ini???
Pihak manakah dirinya memihak??
adakah dirinya itu sayang akan diriku ini??
adakah dirinya itu sedang mempermainkan perasaanku ini??
Diriku ini hanya utk suka2 dikala dirinya bosan???
dan akhir skali,

Adakah Dirinya Pernah sekali pon memikirkan tentang perasaan diriku ini dan apa yg aku pikirkan?

dengan semua persoalan yg diatas.
aku telah membuat keputusan utk ....................................................

expression released

hye hye you....first of all, i
would like to say that i glad to know you.
this wonderful moment start from 3rd august until now,
i'll cherish it and i do mean it.
with all the fight, quarrel and disagreement we had.

we always fight for the same reason (MR E),
i know u'll notice it, coz everytime it does i'll never gonna want to see u again
u said its ur right, yes, i would have to agreed with that and i respect that
even since 30/10/2009, i had tried to respect your decision.
trying not to get mad, whenever u went out with other guy.
but FYI Mr E is not. he is not in my list of exception.

just for u to know.. i'm really happy when u said u still love me
i gave myself up and i gave myself a chance
u need a time. i gave u the time..
but still u didn't give the respect that i need
at the beginning i'll try to ignore it and it will become worst from time to time.

this is a simple fact.
do you know that a guy doesn't like his lover to talk about another guy xspecialy their ex
if you just love to make fun of ur ex in intention to make them felt misarable
and them told that thing to me, it is just not right
it is wrongful thing to be done.
if u said, eventhough , u've breakup and still want to be frens
i'm gonna agreed with that and i'll support u all the way.
every single time u said another guys name in front of me
u never realized my facial expression has change bcoz never have to bother about anyone else
u are full with ur self and never even bother to look around you
everything u said is about you, YOU,YOU and YOu
NOT EVEN ONcE ABOUT ME

Hye, I'm currently attached to you because u said u love me
that is all that really matter
as time pass by, i realized u've change a little bit
especially in past week.
i Can'T hold Your Hand all the time
you broke ur promise saying we can capture picture of us as many as i want
i can't tag a picture of u(what wrong with it???i thought u love me???malu, segan, takut ader org marah???)

if you love me, just say u do,
i've tired of waiting
scared u've change and there nothing happen betwee us.
my decision is depend on your decision
if u want me, i'll stay,
if u don't want me and u want me to keep entertain u
i DON'T want that,
I'm looking for a serious relationship, with commitment
please let me free if u don't love me

A Gurl asking A Boy

A girl asked a guy
if he thought she was pretty

he said...no.

She asked him
if he would want to be with her forever....
and he said no.

She then asked him
if she were to leave would he cry,
and once again he replied with no.

She had heard enough.
As she walked away,
tears streaming down her face

and he said....


You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I dont want to be with you forever.
I NEED to be with you forever

And I wouldn't cry if you walked away
but I'd die when you walked away from my life

Cabaran!!!Dugaan!!!

cabaran cabaran cabaran..
hidup nih memang penuh ngan dugaan....tak org pon bole lari dari dugaan..semua org ader masalah masing2..kiter pon tak ley nak agak biler kiter akan dapat masalah...semua nyer kiter tak ley jangka...
keje,blaja,kawan2, nak lepas idup 1 hari pon bole dikatakan sebagai cabaran bagi seorg manusia...
aku nih pon tak terlepas dari masalah...dengan masalah kewangan nya, masalah masa lalu nyer, masalah cinta nye..huih..kalu aku nak senaraikan mau berjela2 panjang nyer...tapi enough pasal masalah nih....bagi aku tuh semua cabaran.
cabaran utk aku kuar di dunia baru..cabaran utk aku bole hidup berdikari tanpa meminta bantuan org lain...aku bukan nak cerita pasal masalah...tapi aku nak cerita macam mana nak hadapi semua nih...setiap org ader cara tersendiri nak menghadapi masalah...tapi bagi aku..nak menghadapi 1 masalah tuh senang jer...kiter mesti redha ngan aper yg terjadi..sbb bagi aku benda nih sume memang ditakdir kan utk terjadi...utk kia blaja sesuatu yg baru...contoh nya...cam kaki kau nih...dua2 ibu jari kaki aku nih dah retak..aku still control cm takde aper2 yg berlaku..kalu aku men bola pon aku akan men ngan berhati2...takde laa men ngan ganas macam waktu dulu..pastu aku dapat blaja pasal game spirit..giler ko...kalu kaki ko dah kena hentak ngan org len sampai retak..kalu org len dah tentu mengamuk n bergadoh..tapi aku tak..aku bole berfikir lagi...alaaah..bagi aku, mungkin org tuh tak sengaja..dah kater men bola..hahahhaha...lagi contoh...aku break ngan awek aku...mungkin ader org tak ley terima...yer laaa....hilang org yg tersayang...aku pon pernah kena gak dulu...menangis tak henti gak laaa...tapi biler pikir balik...mungkin ini yg terbaik...mungkin aku ader buat salah...apa yg aku bole buat...lepaskan jer...blaja dari kesilapan...mungkin kita tak ditakdirkan bersama...kiter kena ingat ALLAH S.W.T tak pernah salah..DIA mencipta kita dan DIA jugak yg tau aper yg terbaik diri kita...betul tak aper yg aku cakap nih???aper sahaja dugaan,cabaran dan kesenangan yg kiter terima tuh...semua nya dari ALLAH SW.T...DIA buat bergitu bukan sebab DIA tak benci kiter dan nak tengok kita sengsara...DIA buat begitu semua sbb DIA sayang pada kita...kita yg patut nya bersyukur kepada nya.

If she could only see

Tonic - If you Could Only see

If you could only see the way she loved me,
maybe u could understand,
why i feel this way about our love
and what i must do
And if you can only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
when she says she loved me.

well you got your reason,
and you got your lies,
and you got your manupulations
they cut me down the size

sayin you love but you don't
you give your love but you won't.

If you could only see the way she loved me,
maybe u could understand,
why i feel this way about our love
and what i must do
And if you can only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
when she says she loved me.

seems the road less traveled
show's happiness unraveled
and you got to take a little dirt
to keep what you love
that's you gotta to do

sayin you love but you don't
you give your love but you won't.

you streching out your arm for something that are not there

sayin' love where you stand
you give your heart when you can

If you could only see the way sheloved me,
maybe u could understand,
why i feel this way about our love
and what i must do
And if you can only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
when she says she loved me

sayin you love but you don't
you give your love but you won't.

you streching out your arm for something that are not there

sayin' love where you stand
you give your heart when you can

If you could only see the way she loved me,
maybe u could understand,
why i feel this way about our love
and what i must do
And if you can only see how blue her eyes can be when she says when she says she loved me

hangout and chill all nite long

huwaaa.....
giler laa aku bebaru nih...
semalam memang aku penat giler....
keje 1 ari...kena cari potential supplier untuk beli hamper for customer...
penat2 aku dah cari n dah susun utkbuat presentation ngan saper kiter patut beli hamper kak ina
slaki dia ckap...kiter tak akan bagi client kiter hamper....kiter akan buat open house
sooo...cam biasa laa syed..ko kena cari tempat yg best...utk kiter buat open house company kiter pada 9/10 nih...adoyai..baru aku ingat aku nak rilex..skali keje baru datang plak..

huh...setel pasal ker...
malam plak...ader makan ngan supplier wan...
abg adli mmg sempoi...waktu berbuka...makan kurma sebijik...pastu tanya...ada saper2 isap okok tak??aper lagi...mari laa menunaikan tanggung jawab..heheheh...
duk luar...sap kok lu...biasa laaa sesi pengenalan diri ngan abg adli..maklum laa baru first time bekerjasama ngan hitachi...memang sempoi...

makan jangan cakap laa...memang puas ati...memang aku snetal daging bakar dia banyak...wan punya daging pon aku rembat gak......muhahahaha((gelak evil)) food overall memang excellent...tak sia di namakan Prince Hotel..hehehehehe....

aku baru jer ingat kak ina(supervisor aku) nak bawak pakwe dia..skali aku kecewa laa...kawan dia gurl plak yg datang..hehehehe...tapi member kak ina yg keje kat hitachi nama jason memang klaka giler...petah macam budak kecik baru blaja cakap...pot pet pot pet...tak henti2..rasa dah macam melayu dah..hahahaa

biler dah abis makan..perut dah kenyang biasa laaa..masa utk menggerakkan diri...masa aku nak gerak shiekh plak msg aku cakap dia ader tiket wayang free....aku aper lagi..on jer laaa...aku bagitau wan...dia tak puas ati..hehehehe..padan muka ko wan..hahahaha(in ur face)

aku pon balik laaa anta wan kat sunway..aper lagi terus pecut gerak gi OU..aku ingat aku dah lambat..rupa nyer aku org first sampai..sia2 aku pecut...kul 9.05 minit..muncul laa shiekh...bole tahan laa citer gamer tuh...mula2 agak pening gak laaa...kat last2 baru paham...abis cite...ingat nak lepak lepas tension kat atas bumbung OU men beseball...tapi malang...sampai2 jer baru tutup...chill laa kami berdua kat atas bumbung tuh tgk org men bola sambil meluahkan masalah masing2...adalaa dalam 30 minit gak berborak...pastu zarul n kecik sampai..bincang punya bincang..akhir nya kami bersetuju untuk minum dulu...zarul nak balik umah dulu...soo kecik n shiekh jer laa lepak kat canai cafe SS15...lepak2, borak2..kul 12.30alam baru laa terpikir nak balik..tapi sebelum balik sempat gak kami..melencong ke bilik kecik dalam kedai dvd..korang paham2 sendri laa aper kitaorg beli..shiekh siap ulur 5 hinggit utk beli benda nih (don't worry shiekh) kecik dah copy aper yg diperlukan..hehehehe..pastu kami pulang laa ke rumah masing2

dah balik umah..aku bukan nak tido dulu...bole plak bantai dengar dengar lagu
dulu, gayut dulu..it's ok...kejap pon dah puas dah..heheheheee...

besok ader something happen kat aku

besambung dalam citer...
"alamak kantoi aku arini"

For You

FOr u..i'll do anything

For you..i'll survive in the darkest hour,

For u..i'll wait thru the nite and rain

there nothing that can stop me from loving u..

there no one can take u away from me...

if there is...i'll fight for it...

u can do whatever u wish for..

i'll never gonna stop u from doing thing u like...

in fact..i will support u from behind...

this is all the thing i'm gonna do...

because...

I'm all Yours

I'm always gonna be Yours

-Reminder to all of u-

dammit, dammit...u done it again....
shit u and i curse u...
is this how u treat me?is this how u want???
sure that would not be a problem for me...
we follow your way
but in the end
You're the one who will tear apart...

what u give , surely u get it back...
fuck with all the hypocrites
fuck with all the nonsense that been made
i hope u rot in hell

-Reminder to all of u-

rempit..sorry for ruin your moment
samad..cepat laa baik from ur ketumbit berjangkit tu

waiting thru the night

is this who i am lately??

i feel soo different, is not like i used to be,

Every nite, i wait for somebody to call or text me,

even my body are falling apart,

my eyes can't hold much longer,

is this the type of pain that i have to suffer

maybe,this is just the way it is,

even, u was on the phone with another person,

i'm still gonna waited for u to finished

but this is not the way i wanted,

i want to call u,

not another person call u....there would not be a problem if the conversation only take a few minutes.... but NO!!! it takes more than an hour.

Come on laaa...

i have my own limitation,

why don't u show me a little bit of respect,

is not like i never even tried to understand you.

i tried soo many times

but the way u treat me make me want to give up

make me have a second thought of u...

i need an absolute answer from u

i need it because i want to know

i need to know, because i am starting to fall in love with you
i want to to know, if there is any hope for u

if there is no answer,

is better for me to step back

and start a new life

with someone else

Never gonna stop loving you

This song i wrote it myself,

It represent me in my real life,

and it happen to me all the time.

so here it is

Life without you

Life is soo dark ahead,

i can't never see it thru again,

You, are the only one that shine

In the furthers sky far away

What hold you back?

is it me you hate?

just say you love me,

and i'm here stay

always...

i'll never gonna stop loving you,

i'll never gonna stop loving you,

eventhough you left me,

i still love you....

Sun, you're the light,

giving all the hope that i need to survive,

Now, even we are far apart,

i believe there spark,

For me

Just give it a chance,

we'll worked it out,

this is all i can give,

you'll never regards,

never....

i'll never gonna stop loving you,

i'll never gonna stop livong you,

eventhough you left me,

i still love you...(repeated as many as i want)

uuuoooooo

there maybe some changes made to this lyric as it was not complete yet

Love Hurts

LOVE HURTS

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast to truth(I don't want to lose what I had as a boy.)
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat.(As common as a cold day in LA.)

Sometimes when I'm alone,I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,'
cause without love I won't survive.

I'm fettered and abused,
I stand naked and accused(Should I surface this one man submarine?)
I only want the truth
So tonight we drink to youth!(I'll never lose what I had as a boy.)

Sometimes when I'm alone
I wonderIs there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

I really love this song

Time to change

back once again..now with I'm trying to stand up with my own to feet's, disaster always comes blow me away, make me fall once again. but that doesn't stop me from standing up again, if i fall, I'll start all over again. i can't do it alone, i can asked my friends to help me. The question is will there be my friends when i need them???

maybe some will help but what happen with other friends?? are they gonna stood still and watch me fall? if that going to happen, maybe i need to move first.

No point having such a friends, for i just only a burden for them.

Is time for me to change. my life is starting to change, i may have the time to know who my really friends was. I may have the time to spend as much as i want to until i know them well.

STOP with all this BACKSTABBING

STOP with all the HYPOCRITE

Just be who you really are..no need to pretend who you're not.maybe i'm not the only one who need to change..maybe all of us need to change.

starting a new day in my life

Finallly I made it. I have a blog right now. This time for sure i'll make it work. I have nothing much to say. I just finished my study and currently practical in small IT company. That way out from what i'm majoring before. Sigh...what is going on with me, I feel like i'm not myself anymore and i didn't have any clue what is bothering me.

is it my friend??
is it my family??

is it because my soo call relationship??

is it my work??

is it all about the moneY??

Damm...I don't know which one is bothering too much.... I feel like there a bomb in my head and it continously ticking in my head and it give me headache....STRESS,TENSION and ALL THE SICKNESS AROUND ME.

Maybe this is a good time for me to move on. I need my on space, my own world even a little bit it should be enough. I need to find the real me piece by piece since since i've shattered my life a long time ago.

Whoever read this blog, maybe you can give me some idea on activities on how to get away from all the problems. how to release myself.