Humour of The day

Humour of the day....


1. There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.

The Female pencil got pregnant !!

Which Male pencil is responsible?

THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.



2. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings! 'YES'.. OK, BYE'.

She turns to her lover and says,

THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU.



3. Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.

Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!!

Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo !!!

Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!



4. Three Guys were introduced to a girl.

Hi,...... I'm Peter, not a saint.

I'm Paul not a POPE.

I'm John not a Baptist...

The girl replied.. Hi.. I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.



5. Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time.

Mistresses are Tomyams..Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.

WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!



6.. Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.

She replied: I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!



7. Yesterday's News :- A nun jogging at Jogger' Park was raped by 4 guys.

Today's News :- Nearly 100 nuns found jogging at the park

Drunken FoolS

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.


The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."

1st Man: "No, it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."

1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

2nd Man: "Well what the heck, it works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'

Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:

"You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."

Thing that are difficult to say when your drunk

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British
Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

Dating Is complicated ( issues #45)

Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me at dating.itscomplicated[at]gmail.com



I took my now exes virginity and also got an STD from her. Solve that riddle.
-Ben

My girl has been traveling Africa for 4 months now - we used to see each other a lot - so obviously i have a lot of spare time on my hands. I just reached the end page on failblog today... i have to much spare time...
-Anonymous

My girlfriend thought I hacked her Facebook account because I posted a link on her wall I thought she'd like. I had to apologize...
-Matt

I graduated college last fall. To this day I'm still hearing about guys who've slept with my ex-gf. She goes to college 6 hours away…
-Anonymous

One time my ex and I went out for dinner when one of the diners nearby started choking. I immediately jumped up and did the heimlich successfully, and everyone in the restaurant cheered. My ex didn't say a word and on the way home accused me of not paying attention to her. WTF...
-Anonymous


As broke college grads both my girlfriend and I live with our parents. It's about 10pm, we're hanging out together on the futon in her mom's basement watching whichever movie on tv. As usual we don't get through even the first ten minutes of the movie before we start making out and getting frisky. Feeling like its late enough for everyone to be in bed, and the upstairs having been silent for half an hour we risk it and finally get naked. We're about 15 minutes into the action, things are really heating up, lots of lip biting, a little moaning and some futon-frame-creaking - when out of nowhere we hear a flurry of footsteps from the second floor. SHIT. We both freeze the cowgirl. Our hearts race. Silence. More silence. We exchange nervous glances. Shall we start again? NO! The lights flash on in the basement. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! Another flurry of footsteps down into the basement - Now I'm pretty sure we defied the laws of physics as we both soundlessly teleported off the bed, flipped up and laser-beamed under the covers, and absolutely fucking light-speeded into an innocent looking spooning-under-the-covers, watching-a-little-tv scene. Milliseconds later my girlfriend's sister walks by INCHES from the futon to turn off the lights on the fish tank. She casually does her thing, says goodnight in a somewhat awkward tone and returns to the upstairs leaving us to think that she had no idea, that we were quite the deceivers, all the while giggling at how sneaky and ninja-like we were. It is then that we notice we left ALL our clothes: jeans, shirts, boxers, bra, panties - RIGHT beside the futon, RIGHT where her sister had to walk by - TWICE. We've since told everyone that we'll take care of the tank lights.
-Anonymous


So a few months ago I was hanging out as my girlfriend's house. We have always been able to have sex in her room without her parents saying anything about it. About halfway through, her dad texted her saying 'can you keep it down? I'm watching lost and you are making a terrible soundtrack.' I am still scared to do it there anymore.
-M.Y.

I've been an avid reader of these posts for a while now and really enjoyed them, my favorite being 10 points for Gryffindor. I told my flat mates about this and as we were all single we decided to take this 10 points for Gryffindor to a higher level. So we bought giant test tubes and these plastic crystals, now every time one of us gets laid we put a couple of the crystals in the test tubes. So far 80 Points for GRYFFINDOR!!!
-Doug

The other day my girlfriend asked me if Wayne Brady used to be in the Brady Bunch.
-Andre


next time i'll post issue #46 why dating is complicated

Paradise for the lost souls

The water's edge is where she waits

lost soul still wondering

Meant to die

but she's struck not crossing over

The other side is where he waits

His spirit reaching out

Meant to save

but she's to scared to take his hand

living in the world without you

drowning in the past

is living in no world at all

so now i call you

Remember me??I gave you life

you would not take it

your suffering was all in vains. It's almost over now

DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON PARADISE

Feeling scared she prepared

to give up everything

She can't stand to feel

like half of her fading

He will choose the only way

to rid her of her pain

take her soul now

the decision has been made

Living in the world without love

A burden to my soul

Is living in a worthless world

so i will call you

Remember Me??? I gave you life

you would not take it

Your suffering was all in vain

It's almost over

Remember me?? you were soo young

how could i tell you

Remember me??? I'm the one

who save your life that night

I was the one who would not abandon you

even in death, i was the one who would not leave you

I used my freedom to protect you

and all the while Direct you

Do you Remember me this time???

Even Death, I gave you my life, I gave you my life

Wanted to deserved a place

a place beside you

This time when I reached out my hands

It reached all the way to Heaven

Good bye

Good Bye

It's time

I release you from this life

Don't turn your back on paradise

ImPleMentation MoDe UnDeCide

These couple of week here in puteri harbour starting to give impact to me...i need to perform if i want to be permanent here....Puteri Harbour is not such a bad place.. it just because of the work stress and low self esteem make them lose faith working here...as for me...wherever you go..work is all the same...that all for my work.

I give myself another 3 month to be permanent here.

why i permanent...i think i have found my other half here..gonna update later on..thank you

Politik politik dan lagi politik

bebaru nih aku tgk berita...Barisan Nasional menang cawangan Hulu langat...memang dalam hati aku..memang confirm nyer BN menang...Tgk laa aper masalah BA skrang...tak putus2 ngan masalah...dalam parlimen gado sana sini..dah rasa cam org bodo plak...patut dalam parlimen bentang idea...tak perlu laa nak ungkit kisah lama..rakyat pilih wakil rakyat masing dengan harapan untuk diaorg membela kiter balik biler kiter susah..bukan utk mendapat nama aatau bergadoh kat dalam parlimen..rasa cam budak kecik plak aku tgk..hahahahaha...style aku pilih parti memang senang...kalu aku rasa wakil rakyat tu bole buat keje..confirm aku pilih dia...terus terang...masa aku kat subang dulu(time BN pegang lagi) aku rasa cam susah giler laa nak jumpa wakil rakyat situ...ofis ader..tapi org takde..tapi skrang Hannah Yeoh jadi wakil rakyat subang...dapat rasa beza giler kut...konsisten tuh ader laa...slalu laa nampak dia kalu taman aku ader buat aper2 aktiviti..bagus laa dapat wakil camtuh.....nih aku baca paper...skolah cina dapat sumbangan..bagi aku bagus laaa..tapi jangan sbb ader pilihanraya  jer..pas pilihanraya senyap jer...tak elok laa camtuh...aku rasa rancangan aduan rakyat lagi bagus..sbb diorg dengar cakap rakyat n papar kan pada public..time tu laa baru laa org berkenaan sibuk cakap akan amik tindakan laa...aku dapat rasa sebelum tuh mesti dah ader org complain..tapi tutup sebelah mata jer...nih kekadang biler kiter buat aduan..tah di beri perhatian ker tak...sekian

bagi aku kiter patut pilih sesorng bole jadi pemimpin. pemimpin yg betul2 prihatin terhadap rakyat tanpa diskriminasi...terima kasih